Shitty Reviews Issue #17 by Shawn and Steve

SHITTY REVIEWS

Seeing as how this issue of Modus has gone OG, Steve and Shawn decided to share review duties, in some truly terrible two-boys-one-cup shit-fuck session that is equally filthy and frightening.

Save room for dessert, you guys!

Devo  Something For Everybody

The title says it all. Not just nostalgia here, but actually pretty decent tunes that are better than most shit that has come out since their last album 20 years ago. –Shawn

Sam Densmore  Sad Songs For A Sad World

Once again, pretty self-explanatory.  Sam plays acoustical slices of life, that we may have heard before in a different context. A more  stripped down approach that contradicts Silverhawk’s last album’s overproduction.  Certainly dour, but still not as good as the truly great Big Dreams that came out 20 years ago.–Shawn

Peter Buzzelle  To Telescope

When was the last time you saw these two guys together?  Modus Operandi is here to reunite them, if only in print.  Pete’s album could be the direct lineage to the Slow Children/Frequency db sound that was the dominant force so many years ago.  Yeah, it’s power pop, so fuck you.  But just try listening to this and not get the urge for  clove cigarettes.–Shawn

The Flaming Lips & Stardeath And White Dwarfs With Henry Rollins And Peaches Doing Dark Side Of The Moon

Going into this either way, it can be exactly what you’re expecting, or not at all.  A song by song cover of the entire album, that features different combinations of the above musicians, though I’d be damned to figure out Hank’s involvement.  Some songs are good, some are fuckin’ out there, none are better than the originals.  That’s the idea, I don’t think they were intending on an improvement, but rather, perhaps, a what-could-have-been if Syd Barrett didn’t lose his mind and was able to continue in the band. But when Pink Floyd kicks you out for too many drugs, y’know yr fucked.—Shawn

The Brian Jonestown Massacre  Who Killed Sgt. Pepper?

It seems that Anton is still trying to find his niche. While the band Is known for it’s experimentation, here we find, Icelandic chants, Indian tendencies, a Joy Division reworking, and even John Lennon’s Beatles vs. Jesus.  Not the wall of sound from their last album, but a definite change in their repertoire. There are those who do the fuck and those that get the fuck, and BJM ride the fine line between.—Shawn

Hot Chip  One Life Stand

Instead of singing about how much shit they sling, it’s now about making luv in the gravy.  Multi-layered, multi-dimensional sound that is still like nothin’ you never heard.—Shawn

Gorillaz  Plastic Beach

If you don’t like ‘em, you still won’t.  And if you don’t like ‘em, you suck at life, and you should quit trying. Oh, and Snoop Dogg guests.–Shawn

Flobots  Survival Story

This is heavier and more complex than I remember their first one being.  But then again I wuz shooting heroin and speed when I listened to that one.  This listen I’m sober as a judge and enjoying their hip-hop grooviness quite a bit.  I was not expecting this album to be as good as it is.  They’ve gotten more surrious, both lyrically and musically and let the viola player get more versatile.  Hell, the whole group is more versatile.  Fuck yeah, these guys rock!—Steve

Eminem  Recovery

Marshall Mathers has been two things: clever and honest.  I’ve always appreciated both qualities, but I haven’t seen that side of him since The Eminem Show.  Yeah, that’s right, I only kinda liked Encore and nothing since.  Oh, 8 Mile was good.  But anyway, back to this album.  It is called Recovery, yet he doesn’t talk about being in recovery at all.  But at least we get to hear the God of his understanding rap a line, but really it’s just more of Eminem stroking it to his own beats.  This album sucks…jus sayin.–Steve

Record Club  Velvet Undergound & Nico

So, this is Beck, the guys from MGMT & friends covering the Velvet Underground’s first album in its entirety.  Now as you well know, this is the greatest album of all time, so how could you possibly improve upon it or even want to try?  Well, first off, look who’s involved.  We’ve got some very talented musicians/songwriters involved here.  Also, they recorded the whole album in one day w/ no rehearsal whatsoever.  I gotta say, they pulled it off pretty good.  You can check it out at Beck.com and judge fer yrself, but I say, “It’s all good.”–Steve

Shitty Reviews (issue #16) by Shawn McMeats

SHITTY REVIEWS

by shawn

Back in the old days of Modus, Steve and I used to share review duties.  His were short and sweet, kinda like that little turd that pops out, and then when you go to wipe, the paper’s clean.  Mine have always been the wordier lengthier kind of all day deuce where you get your pants up and still have to go again.   So, as a tribute to Steve, these are done in his short shitty style.  Besides, this economy is all about giving you less for more, right?.  And you didn’t even pay for this. For those cockblasters out there who don’t remember, here’s the Shitty Scale and how it works:

 Diarrhea:  Yr in pain before it starts, nothing about it is pleasant.  It takes too long, it ruins yr day, and when it’s over, you still feel like shit.

   The Shart:  You take a gamble on it, it could come out alright, but it winds up ruining a perfectly good pair of underwear.

The Sinker:  It’s hard to get out, somewhat unpleasant, but yr happy when it’s over.  Then it hits the bottom of the bowl with a big thud.  In retrospect, the result is fairly disappointing.

The Breaker:  Yr ready for it, yr stoked, yr excited about it, but just when it starts to get good it breaks off, and yr left with a half a turd hanging out yr ass.

The Golden Turd:  It’s the perfect shade of brown.  Just the right density, it almost seems to smile up at you as it floats around the bowl.  Yr day is better because of it.

Iwrestledabearonce  It’s All Happening (CMA)

Rip yer ballz off experimental metal.  Kelli bought it on a whim, per my suggestion, and hated it so much she gave it away after spending $14 on it.  Clearly, she has no taste.

Air  Love 2  (Astralwerks) 

Spacey electronica that sounds pretty much like all their other stuff, but it’s all good.  Yr right, it is ALL GOOD.

Juliette Lewis  Terra Incognita  (The End) 

Produced by the instrumentalist guy from Mars Volta, but easier to digest, and Juliette Lewis has always been hot in a kinda mannish way.

Cage  Depart From Me  (Definitive Jux) 

No 4’ 33”, but instead a white rapper that’s better than Eminem.  Only 3 turds cuz Steve’s cds are always fucked up and I couldn’t listen to a couple of the songs. 

The Gossip  Music For Men  (Columbia) 

Proof that moving to a major label kills a band’s sound.  The 2 turds are for the 2 songs that were good, the rest was neo wave cock flock.

The Flaming Lips  Embryonic  (Warner Bros.)   

A More experimental approach, but still not very spiritual.  Consult the late 90’s lips for next of kin.

Monsters Of Folk  Self-Titled  (Shangri-La)

Indie dudes in a 4 way gang-train.  Given to me by a guy I work with that’s at least 20 years my senior, proof that my musical tastes are more in common with some old guy than they are with the warmed over jizz that passes for musical faire these days.

Sonic Youth  The Eternal  (Matador)

Fawking awesome, of course.  Best since Washing Machine.  I almost got Kelli to listen to the entire thing, almost.  But then she had to ge all SY hatefuck on me.  Clearly, she has no taste.

Courtesy Clerks  Get Your Rocks Off   (self-released 

Almost 3 turds, but they misspelled Yr in the title.  Also, they get 2 turds because they sound like melodic metal punk that has been done a hundred times better a hundred times before.  I can say this because they a) seem to be friends of Steve’s and b) are now defunct.  Also, it’s nice to leave on a downer, as that’s the way life is, bitches.

————END OF ARTICLE————

Desert Island Albums by Steven Purkey

Steve’s Desert Island Albums

Here’s my top 11 albums I’d bring w/ me if I were planning on being stranded on a desert island.  Feel free to submit yrs and we’ll print ‘em, too!

11.  Jefferson Airplane  “Surrealistic Pillow”                                                         Known for the hits “White Rabbit” and “Somebody to Love”, this album exceeds these radio standards w/ a psychedelic mania that make me wanna tune in, turn on, and drop acid on my way to “the Haight”.

10.  Big Brother & The Holding Company  “Cheap Thrills”                               Another San Francisco band drenched in LSD soul power.  The guitar work on this album is mind-blowingly mood-altering and legal, too!  Fuck Janis, I just wish I had a fuzz pedal and triple-stack window-pane molly, thizzed-out and syzurupped way before crunk even knew what hit ‘em!

9.  Eazy-E  “It’s On”                                                                                                                 Eazy-E is hands down the best rapper that has ever and will ever live.  This here’s his response to Dre’s “The Chronic” and the best damn gangsta rap record ever recorded…ever!  Long live Eric Wright!

8.  Butthole Surfers “Independent Worm Saloon”                                                 Whether they’re “Pigfuck” or “Acid Punk” this John Paul Jones produced opus of domesti-chaos grabs you by the balls and then gently strokes you off.  Crank up “Goofy’s Concern” and you’ll see what I mean.

7.  NOFX “Punk In Drublic”                                                                                                     I know, I know, it’s NOFX.  But this fucking NOFX sucking up their sarcasticness and just fucking playing their tits off.  This album really brings me back to a time that I can’t really remember, if ya know what I mean…he he.

6.  Ministry “Psalm 69”                                                                                                               Just buy this fucking album you fucking idiot.  There is nothing I can say that can justify you not owning this album.

5.  The Gits “Kings and Queens”                                                                                           Mia Zapata and Co. originally recorded this as a demo, full of raw one-takes and even a Stooges cover.  Discover this now!

4.  Notorious B.I.G. “Ready To Die”                                                                                       It’s Biggie’s first album.  Nuff said.

3.  Jane’s Addiction “Nothing’s Shocking”                                                                            Go ahead and think “Ritual de lo Habitual” is better than this one.  Go ahead!  See if I care!  But yr wrong.  This one is way better!  Put that in yr pipe and smoke it, Meat Head!

2.  The Doors “The Doors”                                                                                                        Their debut and finest effort to date.  Jim Morrison before he got fat, just wanted to sing the blues, man, and faked his own death in a bathtub in Paris.

1. Dio ”Holy Diver”                                                                                                                 Yeah!  Ronnie James Dio is the king of metal!  He was way better in Sabbath than Ozzy (that’s right, I said it).  Put this album on and worship the dark lord!

Shitty Reviews (Issue 15) by Shawn McMeats

SHITTY REVIEWS  by shawn

Welcome to everybody’s favourite section of Modus Operandi. Back again with some local faves that Steve dug up, and a few actual real albums that you can get at your local record shoppe. Good luck trying to find one, though, as they are a dying breed. Anyway for those who don’t remember, here’s the Shitty Scale and how it works:

Diarrhea: Yr in pain before it starts, nothing about it is pleasant. It takes too long, it ruins yr day, and when it’s over, you still feel like shit.

The Shart: You take a gamble on it, it could come out alright, but it winds up ruining a perfectly good pair of underwear.

The Sinker: It’s hard to get out, somewhat unpleasant, but yr happy when it’s over. Then it hits the bottom of the bowl with a big thud. In retrospect, the result is fairly disappointing.

 The Breaker: Yr ready for it, yr stoked, yr excited about it, but just when it starts to get good it breaks off, and yr left with a half a turd hanging out yr ass.

 The Golden Turd: It’s the perfect shade of brown. Just the right density, it almost seems to smile up at you as it floats around the bowl. Yr day is better because of it.

NOFX “Coaster” (Fat Wreck Chords) Yep, it’s a NOFX album. Pretty standard fare, short punk rock songs about Amerikkka, hanging out with Tegan and Sara trying to get a 3-way going, and whatever happened to Eddie, Bruce And Paul. The latter of which features a line that reminds me of the feltch-worthy good ole’ days: “Paul got fucked, fucked by Steve,” This is true. I got pictures. For a very, very limited time, this album was available at Target for free, but it still seems to be a big hit with boosters across the nation.

Point Blank Rangers “Listen To Slayer”  What is this, Three Times Dope? Actually, it’s a 5 track live EP given out by the band at their shows. Steve told me that the band wrote various titles on the cd when they gave them out; his copy says “Listen To Slayer. ” It’s basically a post pre-prototype live IKEA rap band. They got some decent flows, and a DJ that that scratches about as much as someone with a case of scabies. While nicely cold-filtered, it still feels way spanky.

The Sugar Beets “Secret To Happiness” (Sugar Beets) I think this is music for lesbians. Even the dude-singer in the band seems like he likes to bone lesbians. Yep, I’m pretty sure this is Natalie Merchant, the Indigo Girls, Melissa Etheridge and the Coors (sorry, Corrs) all playing together. It probably isn’t any of these masturbation-defying artists, but you never know. Just ‘cause I’m getting old doesn’t mean I have to listen to this Tiny Tim Hum Drum shite.

Matmos “Supreme Balloon” (Matador) Intsruminimalism at it’s finest. These guys take non-musical sounds and mix them into an experimental sonic explosion. They layer textures of well-moisturized razzle-dazzle on top of each other to form a wall of melody, similarly to what the Bageldogs helped pioneer back in the day. Put this on and you’ll turn yr curbside appliance into a true Hawking-approved amp sandwich.

Meg & Dia “Something Real” (Doghouse) Only Steve would give me a bunch of scratched cds and expect me to review them. Seriously, every time I sit down to write a review, I have to spend like 5 minutes skip doctoring them. Anyway, here’s more lesbo-rock from Steve. I’m not just saying this because Modus is stupid and sexist (MO#3) but rather in spite of that fact. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of bands like Sleater-Kinney and Team Dresch out there that I appreciate, but this sounds like it should be in some pointless movie about glittery vampires and the women who love them. Seriously, maybe if I was still a 15-year-old girl (still?), I’d enjoy this reverse cow skrunk. But since graduating from the pube ring, I can’t find much use for the diarrhetoric.

Ego Machine Plus Andy Solo “S/T”   Ahh, the familiar sounds of former Coos Bay socialite (I’d name drop a band he was in, but alas, they’ve all been forgotten) Jerry Leach and his band doing some re-jizzed mid 90’s grunge. Read that as mid 90’s, so this sounds like the scraps after all the big name grange bands peaked and shot their hot cream all over the face of America. Sure, structurally, it sounds ok, but I’ve heard this crotch-splitting sheetrock before. Then after you get passed all the resmegmanated sound of re-virginization, we get his little brother Andy doing a little bit of cock-tapping of his own. A little acoustic treat at the end of sonic post-wallet chain rock, that really fills the Jesus nail hole. Though, it’s a tad sausage-casing like at times, it turns out to be a real Snatch-22, earning Andy 2 turds all to himself.

Shout Out Louds “Howl Howl Gaff Gaff” (Capitol)   Is this emo? It sounds like Jimmy Eat World mixed with Sunny Day Real Estate with a dose of Dashboard Confessional thrown in. So yeah, it pretty much hits all the major points of emo, except for the early Dischord era, when it de-evolved and dissolved from punks with something to say to a fashion statement with nothing to say. It’s all rectal-itch cat box fodder that stares at you like a dead balloon.

Shitty Reviews for issue #14 by Shawn McMeats

SHITTY REVIEWS by shawn Welcome to everybody’s favourite section of Modus Operandi. Here’s four more cds of some of yr favourite shitty local artists, complete with the new Shitty Scale. Here’s how it works: Diarrhea: Yr in pain before it starts, nothing about it is pleasant. It takes too long, it ruins yr day, and when it’s over, you still feel like shit. The Shart: You take a gamble on it, it could come out alright, but it winds up ruining a perfectly good pair of underwear. The Sinker: It’s hard to get out, somewhat unpleasant, but yr happy when it’s over. Then it hits the bottom of the bowl with a big thud. In retrospect, the result is fairly disappointing. The Breaker: Yr ready for it, yr stoked, yr excited about it, but just when it starts to get good it breaks off, and yr left with a half a turd hanging out yr ass. The Golden Turd: It’s the perfect shade of brown. Just the right density, it almost seems to smile up at you as it floats around the bowl. Yr day is better because of it.

One Dying Breath: Son Of Seed So this is the Death Of A Sale EP (reviewed last issue) + bonus tracks. The newer songs seem to be more of a rock-n-roll facial, but still retains that Soundgarden meats (sic) Queensryche vocal stylie. The title track has some tribal shit going on in that viscous Godsmack way, but other than that, it seems to be more rehashing of yr favourite nut-out-the-window progressive goth rock.

Grynch: Two Minutes Before Two Minutes After Wow! More progressive metal, awesome. According to their myspace page they are hypnotic intensity from Eugene. Hypnotic? Slightly. Intense? Vaguely. Eugene? Yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re from Eugene. Aside from Steve confirming this, as his cousin is in the band, Eugene seems like that type of grudgefuck urine-tasting crowd who dig these guys. Oh and the album starts off with some W samples, so, you know at least they got originality going for them. If these 2 bands haven’t toured together yet they should, as they both got that quaintly hetero sound, that seems so urgently necessary to the masses.

Abstractors: 11-3-02 Apparently the title is the date in which this was recorded, so here we have some 6 year old jazz-fusion from Bandon. There might be a certain Buttchaps out there who would listen to this with all it’s rhythmic changes and claim that it’s all trippy ‘n’ shit. Some folks may even say that this hits like a battering ram with it s rat-a-tat-tatty-ness. I wouldn’t necessarily say that but, some folks may. I think the best parts are the 5-30 seconds of silence in between the songs, if they were to work those up to say, 4 minutes and 33 seconds, then, there my friends, we would have a true masterpiece.

Chariots Of Rubber: a collection Steve gave me, which is not complete. Finally, we got some decent sounds coming out of Portland. So you know what that means…it’s time for some metal rock opera. But not in a chemically induced boner, Jim Stienmann kinda way, even though it kind of reminds me of Meatloaf meats Sisters of Mercy, thrown in with some Thrill Kill Kult ideals. Apparently they are performance artists with a bondage/latex thing going on, so that’s awesome. Their lyrical content ranges from cutting off their sister’s areolas and hanging them from the rafters to the Voodoo Donuts Ad jingle, where the magic is in the hole. They also have the visuals to back it up, so you should probably see them live and/or check out their myspace page to get the full penis-gouging, premature-birth inducing effect.

Shitty Reviews (from issue 10)

 

Shitty Reviews

By Shawn

Ministry And Co-Conspirators (Cover Up) (13th Planet)

Not to be confused with The Bageldogs’ classic Cover Up! Horny Old Man Coming Through, this album as the title implies, is a covers album. Also the title is a double entendre to JFK’s assassination, the cover depicting Al as both Jackie O and Lee Harvey. Made up of 70′s hard rock standards like “Black Betty,” “Under My Thumb,” and “Space Truckin’” it is supplemented by a few previously released covers, like “Roadhouse Blues,” from their last, last album The Last Sucker. Also “Lay Lady Lay” and “Supernaut”, a couple of oldies, make an appearance a s well. They aren’t new recordings (though “Supernaut” is the newer version from the Greatest Fits album,) so they just end up sounding like filler. Better choices may have been Buck Satan’s renditions of “Friend Of The Devil” and “Lay Lady Lay” which currently only exist in bootleg form. The epic “What A Wonderful World” rounds out the album with 3 different versions. Cover Up is a fun listen, but could’ve been executed better. Also, the irony of Lard’s “70′s Rock Must Die” is not lost on me.

–Shawn

Nine Inch Nails Ghosts I-IV & The Slip (The Null Corporation)

Fuck the internet. Fuck downloading. Fuck iPods. Fuck bit torrents. Fuck Limewire. Fuck mp3′s, aac’s, m4a’s, and flac’s. Fuck lossy vs. lossless. Fuck music in a solid form. Fuck multimedia. Fuck technology. Fuck record companies. Fuck independent record stores. Since severing ties with his previous record company, Mr. Reznor puts out two new albums in as many months. Initially only released through his website (both in downloadable and solid forms), Ghosts I-IV is comprised of 36 instrumentals over the course of 2 discs. It is at times fragmented bursts of energy augmented with longer atmospheric pieces, reminding me of Aphex Twin’s career span. It has a very artificial feel, which seems to be the whole point. The Slip, in contrast, is a more conventional album, serving up 10 tracks that pick up from where Year Zero left off. The track 1,000,000 seems to definitely be the single, if they still do that anymore. Again, a heavy ambient atmosphere encompasses the album as a whole, and overall a good find. Currently, this is only available as a download (but it is free) from nin.com, but is supposed to come out as a real hold-in-your-hand slab of plastic in the next coming months. Fuck the enjoyment of going to your favorite record store when you can just download straight to your brain. Fuck the future of music.

–Shawn

Gnarls Barkley The Odd Couple (Downtown)

A new album named after another old TV show. I’m glad to see that MTV gives these guys a little exposure. Though MTV no longer play videos anymore, they just attach little snippets to the ends of whatever crap Laguna Hills Harbor show they’re showing these days before going to commercial or while the credits are playing. Longtime Modus readers know that my reviews are just an excuse to rant on whatever fuckin’ shit that’s wrong with the way shit has changed since back in the day. Man, Jello was way ahead of his time when he requested MTV to get off the air way back in 1985. If only people listened. Anyway, getting back to the album, overall a good effort from to weirdoes, that pretty much sounds like their last album, albeit more laid back and has a smoother jazz feel. Hear it or don’t, who cares. Musical taste is so flighting these days, just delete it from yr iPod when yr done

–Shawn

Bauhaus Go Away White (Bauhaus)

This is their first album of new material in like 25 years. After Love And a Rockets and Peter Murphy’s solo efforts have come and gone, Bauhaus comes back with 10 new songs of goth-rock goodness. They combine their efforts into an album that is wholly their own. It’s got the classic style, but has been updated for the emo punkster generation. Go get it kiddies, and know yr roots.

–Shawn

Def Leppard Songs From The Sparkle Lounge (Island)

 

Ah, my beloved Def Leppard. I’d challenge any and all to a Def Leppard trivia contest. These guys have been with me since their late 80′s heyday, and I’ve supported them all through the years. This album, surpasses that of their last album of original material (2002′s X), but I hate to say, feels like their beating a dead horse. You either need to stay relevant, or get out before you become the Rolling Stones. Overall, the album is pretty good, creating future stadium rockers and trying to move away from their later adult contemporary shit they’re trying to pull. Having Tim McGraw providing guest vox on you’re lead single, however, is not the best way to stage a comeback. After 2006′s covers album Yeah! which was pretty fuckin’ awesome, I expected something pretty good, and I guess that’s what this is. I appreciate what they’re trying to do, and since I’ve missed several opportunities to see them live, I’m glad they’re still around. It’s just that they need a kick in the ass and start going back further to their back catalog and come out with something that rock’s out like their first couple of albums. They probably won’t though, because it’s not sellable…you know, because people still buy albums, and not just download songs to their little white boxes. (Gee, you think I’ve ranted enough about iPods?)

–Shawn

 

Shitty Reviews (issue #9)

By Shawn

The Donnas –  Bitchin’ (Purple Feather)

…And it is.  This is probably the first punk to glam metal crossover band, and this album continues the trend started on their last one Gold Medal.  The album is loaded with hairy riffs and crunchy chords that get you hot in the pants.  We interviewed these ladies all the way back in #5, when Get Skintight had come out, so shit!  There sound has evolved from short pop-punky tunes about gettin’ drunk and gettin’ laid to arena rock shredders about gettin’ drunk and gettin’ laid.  Songs like “Wasted” (which is, incidentally, NOT a cover of one of the awesomest Def Leppard songs ever) and “Love Me Till It Hurts”  explore these subjects.  I just saw these girls live a couple of weeks ago for the first time in probably 8 years, and they are still rocking out with their cocks out.  Seriously, man, they’re bringin’ on the heartbreak.

 

 

The Warlocks — Heavy Deavy Skull Lover (Tee Pee)

Named for their Velvet Underground and Grateful Dead influences (uh…yeah), The Warlocks smooth out the sounds of feedback drenched guitar with ambient space rock that is a beacon for the return of bands like Spacemen 3 and My Bloody Valentine.  There, I’ve name-dropped 4 bands in 1 sentence, without telling you anything.  “Zombies Like Lovers” is probably one of the greatest stoner songs in a long time.  Where were they when I was in high school?  Stop living in the dark and awaken yourself.  These guys deserve your immediate attention. 

 

 

Ministry — The Last Sucker (13th Planet)

So this is it.  This is the last Ministry album.  Grandpa Jorgensen has stated that he didn’t want be the Rolling Stones, so he’s ending the band while their still relevant, and not so old and decrepit that they can’t play on stage without oxygen tanks.  Fuck!!  What a way to go out!   This is the 3rd in a trilogy of tributes to the George W, and arguably the best.  It’s the standard brutal fuck you juice that you’ve come to know and expect, without holding back. I’m sure I say this with every Ministry album, but it’s their best in 15 years. All of the songs are what you expect to hear, but that doesn’t make it any less awesome.  The fold-out picture of the last supper depicting ‘W as Judas to Al’s Jesus is worth the price of admission alone. Though it’s the last Ministry album, there’s supposed to be one more RevCo and one more Lard album as well as a Buck Satan record to come before old Al goes into retirement, so don’t get yer panties in a bunch.

 

 

Louis XIV — Slick Dogs And Ponies  (Pineapple/Atlantic)

So these guys are from California  and sing with British accents, but that’s ok because they can pull it off.  Their mix of the big balls of Bon Scott is combined with the smooth sexual prowess of Prince.  Tina gives a course on ’80s R&B pop while “Air Traffic Control”  is reminiscent of  “Space Oddity”  and “Rocket Man.”   These are the standouts, as the rest makes a good attempt, but they’ve already done it better on their last album.  It’s still better than 99% of the shit out there and  probably the best new band I’ve heard in a long time.

 

 

 

Chromeo — Fancy Footwork  (Vice)

There was a time when the resurgence of new wave was a fresh idea.  Not every little punkster you saw was wearing skinny ties and pants that if were any tighter, would be behind them.  There were more girls than guys wearing eyeliner (read: guyliner), and being punk was more than dying yer hair black and making sure it was pressed down into a 45 degree angle.  But then again, punk was always about fashion and not actually having ideas right?  Well Chromeo really has nothing to do with that.  They make new wave stylied electro-dance pop, and it’s genius and all that, but why be original when there are all these shit bands out there that want to sound and look like everyone else?  Why not pick up a keytar and do something new and exciting, or at least something that isn’t stagnant and boring and makes you cringe every time you hear it as someone’s downloaded ringtone?  I remember that being punk was on the outside of society, not mainstream, but then again, everything gets bastardized if you let it.

 

 

MGMT — Oracular Spectacular  (Columbia)

Ok, so we’re done with the 80′s right, so what’s next?  Grunge?  No.  It’s drug pop.  If these guys came out about 20 years ago, they’d be part of the brit-pop-acid-house movement brought on by bands like the Happy Mondays and the Stone Roses.  While these guys are very Stone Rosesy as well as Rolling Stonesy (gee, you think I could compare a band to someone else for a change?), they’re carrying on the tradition of 2 guys creating an awesome kick ass sound (i.e. Chromeo, Ween, The Bageldogs, etc.)  Wisely, the single “Time To Pretend”  is up first and sets the mood of things to come.  The beats get ya movin’ and the mood gets ya groovin.’ It’s a trippy sound, that reminds you that it’s ok, but remember kiddies: only users lose drugs.

 

 

 

Various Artists — Juno Original Soundtrack  (Rhino)

Yeah this movie was pretty hyped up, and is making Kimya Dawson a star, but it’s about time the sounds of the Moldy Peaches have received some appreciation.  This album is pretty much a Moldy Peaches/Kimya Dawson Greatest Hits record (not that that’s a bad thing at all), but includes other awesome songs like Sonic Youth’s cover of “Superstar“, (the only song my SY hatin’ wife Kelli likes by them) and Mott The Hoople doin’ “All The Young Dudes.”  Though some of the Peaches’ key faves are missing, the ones that were chosen are all winners.  Dawson also collaborates on a couple of tracks with a band called Antsy Pants, who I’m pretty sure is a bunch of 12 year olds.  Hopefully this album will speak to all the confused young girls out there.  It spoke to all the ones I hang out with, though they’re probably still confused, ’cause I’m 30 hanging out with a bunch of young girls.  I kid, I kid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hot Chip — Made In The Dark  (Astralwerks)

The sound of the future, if there is one.  Like nothin’ you ever heard.  The video for “Ready For The Floor”  harkens back to Prince’s “Batdance“, and the whole record is just warped and groovy.  This album and anything else by these guys is crucial for your existence, so lay off the prescription drugs man. OxyContin is so passé.

 

Shitty Reviews (issue #7)

By Steve        

 

Gossip “Standing In The Way Of Control”

(Kill Rock Stars)

        Punk. Rock N’ Roll. Blues. Soul. All are necessary elements in the Gossip sound. All together the members produce some of the most amazing raucous rock n’ roll I’ve ever heard. Each member individually amazes me. The soul-punk bellowing. The single guitar player running the gamut. The hold-steady master beat-maker drumming. This is one of those rare bands that produce a whole greater than the sum of its parts.. Thank  you Beth, Brace, and Hannah for keeping me alive.  (Steve)

 

Yeah Yeah Yeahs “Show Yr Bones” (Interscope)                

        This album is fucking great. Go buy it before yr parents get hip to it.  (Steve)

 

The Strokes “First Impressions Of Earth” (RCA)

        This album fucking sucks. Buy for yr dad and make

him feel hip.  (Steve)

 

Cat Power “The Greatest” (Matador)

        Chan Marshall at her finest. Very polished tunes with the help of some legendary studio musicians. The songs hold up; they’re worth it. Chan Marshall, we love you.

(Steve)

 

The Blood Brothers “Young Machetes” (V2)

        I’d rather shoot up a syringe filled with Blood Brothers.  Insane telepathic lyrics born out of chaos. “Set Fire To The Face On Fire.” Absorb this. Let it happen.  (Steve)

Shitty Reviews presents:

Steve’s Top 11 Albums of All Time

 

11.     Cat Power- You Are Free

Mostly acoustic power anthems for the people, this album almost didn’t get made.  Thank god it did.

 

10.     Wilco- Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

Immortalized in the film “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart,” this is an all-around great fucking record.  Whether they’re the new Sonic Youth or the new Grateful Dead, Wilco will forever be known for this album.

 

9.     Misfits- Walk Among Us

Proof that Glenn Danzig has a funny bone.

 

8.     Guns N’ Roses- Appetite For Destruction

The most explosive band of all time coming to terms w/ their self-destructive lifestyle.  Long live Axl Rose.

 

7.     Rolling Stones- Their Satanic Majesties Request

Although regarded as a failure, this venture into psychedelia makes me love The Stones.  Besides, Mick Jagger looks rad in a wizard’s cap.

 

6.     Modest Mouse- The Lonesome Crowded West

Great for road trips or home brooding w/ hits like “Trucker’s Atlas” and “Trailer Trash.”  This is the album that turned me on to Modest Mouse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

5.  The Stooges- Funhouse

I originally bought this album because Jack White said it was the greatest rock n’ roll record of all time and I have to say it’s one of the few true and pure rock n’ roll records out there.  Recorded almost all the way thru in one take, it’s also punk as fuck.  I especially like how the saxophone comes in halfway thru and stays w/ us until end.

    

4.     Sonic Youth- Daydream Nation

Sonic Youth are alt-rock pioneers who’ve yet to be rivaled.  This here’s they’re finest effort to date.  Sorry, no Madonna covers.

 

3.     Joy Division- Unknown Pleasures

This album got me thru a lot of tough times.  Seriously, if it weren’t for these songs I would have slipped a noose around my neck and stood on a block of ice while reading poetry.

 

2.     Bob Dylan- Bringin It All Back Home

Released the same year as “Highway 61 Revisited”, 1965, I actually prefer this one.  It’s Dylan at his finest: swirling surreal lyrics over electric folk-rock.  A journey thru time and space not to be pawned off as yr parents music.  (See the documentary “Don’t Look Back” for more of Dylan during this period.)

   

1.     Velvet Underground & Nico

Shit, man, this album takes #1 for many reasons: Lou Reed’s songwriting, Nico’s sultry singing, John Cale’s minimalist drone.  Shit, man, if it weren’t for The Velvet Underground none of these other bands would even exist and we’d all be listening to Air Supply.  Fuck that.

 

Top 11 Albums by Shawn McMeats

Eleven somewhat awesome albums from the last eleven somewhat awesome years.

So, I went through my music collection, trying to find the best album from each of the last eleven years. Here’s what I came up with. They may not the best, but are at least eleven albums that you can’t dismiss. Every one of these releases (all eleven of them) you should own, and I mean own in the physical sense, not some shitty download, but the complete package, the way they were meant to be enjoyed. I tried to find ones that I haven’t previously reviewed, but even if I have, fuck you! It’s not like any of you have read ‘em anyway. So go back in time with me, and discover some of the sounds of eleven years of Modus!

2007

Mika – Life In Cartoon Motion (Universal)

If Freddie Mercury didn’t die, I’m pretty sure this is what he would be doing now. There’s even an ode to “Fat Bottomed Girls” called “Big Girl (You Are Beautiful).” This is something that you listen to when you aren’t being a whiny little bitch, and let yourself feel free to explore. Feel free to suck hard on this lollipop, because it’s not gonna get you down.

2006

Girltalk – Night Ripper (Illegal Art)

OK, so this guy is a DJ that cuts and pastes pretty much any song in recent or past history into a flurry of sound that is like no other. He lists all of the artists that he’s sampled in the cd booklet, but I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t have the rights to any of these, especially given the label it is on. He’s probably the only one who can get away with combining artists like Weezer, Sonic Youth, DJ Funk, with Elton John, Paul Abdul, Jay-Z, etc., there’s a Wikipedia article that actually breaks down the samples song by song. This shit used to fly all the time until crybabies started hiding behind copyright infringement. Fuck ‘em. He’s not the first to try to liberate us from sonic ownership, but he may be the best at what he does.

2005

Dungen – Ta Det Lugnt (Kemado)

Psychedelic fuzz-rock from Sweden, what more do you need? They may not sing in English, but what the fuck does that matter. They destroy anyone here who’s trying to cop the same feel. They’re even more durable than my Saab, which after owning for eleven years, is now about to go to the junkyard. Sad, really.

2004

Ratatat – Ratatat (XL)

So I think I reviewed their second album a few issues back, but this is where it started. Whether it’s Final Fantasy or The Legend Of Zelda, these instruminimalists wrote the songbook with their video game inspired techno-wizardry. I saw them open for Interpol in 2003, and needless to say they were the best part of the show. About eleven minutes after Interpol hit the stage, we found more interest in some overpriced slices of pizza.

2003

The Brian Jonestown Massacre – …And This Is Our Music

(Tee Pee)

My wife hates them. I’m thinking about making her a

t-shirt that says “My other Sonic Youth is Brian Jonestown Massacre,” but that would really be more for my own amusement. See, we had rented DiG, Which documents these guys and The Dandy Warhols tour shenanigans. Based on these 107 minutes, Kelli decided that Anton Newcombe was a complete douchebag (no arguments here), and therefore his band has no merit. Sure, he starts a fistfight with his band while onstage, but that doesn’t mean they suck, in fact that should attest to just how awesome they are. This album just reconfirms that. Seriously guys, don’t fuck around with them, just roll a joint and sit back.

2002

Andrew W.K. – I Get Wet (Mercury)

Probably the most under appreciated musician ever.

And just like all under appreciated musicians, he’s huge in Japan. Which is the only place his last album was released.

His first, though, pretty much blew the roof off of anything else at the time, with all of his songs about partying. His early live shows consisted of him rocking a boombox, which you can’t really pull off unless you are fawking awesome. He was one dirty son of a bitch, but due to Americans being stupid assholes, he became the first metal-to-motivational speaker crossover artist, which is not awesome, and actually pretty much sucks.

2001

Gorillaz – Gorillaz (Virgin)

Long after MTV and VH1 started to suck (or maybe they always did, Jello, you didn’t know how right you were), there was a channel called VH1 Hits. Viacom had to designate channels like this so they could actually play videos, since the main channels wouldn’t, even though the words “music” or “video” is in their fucking titles. On a side note, just to attest on how omnipresent Viacom is, every proper noun that I’m writing gets spell checked as I’m typing this but not Viacom. Fuck Viacom. So anyway, I saw this video for “Clint Eastwood” and it was one of those that didn’t have credits on it so it drove you fucking crazy. Let me just say that there hasn’t been a band in a long time that was this absolutely fucking brilliant. Upon hearing it I didn’t recognize the singer, as the band was a cartoon. I figured it was some side project, actually though it was Elvis Costello. But no, as we all know now it was Damon Albarn with help from other like-minded individuals, who created a fictitious band. There sound is still mind-blowing making them basically the band of the oughts. Do they even exist? You know who does exist? Viacom. Everything you see, hear, eat, breath has the Viacom stamp on it. God bless America.

2000

Queens Of The Stoneage – R or II, whatever the fuck it’s called (Interscope)

Within the first 10 seconds, you hear the familiar refrain of “Feel Good Hit Of the Summer” and it lets you know that you’re in for a good time. This is their second album after disbanding Kyuss and it’s pretty much the best stoner-droner album of all time. Don’t waste your time, it doesn’t get better than this, so throw it on and waste some time.

1999

Les Rhythmes Digitales – Darkdancer (Astralwerks)

This guy was 80’s before 80’s was 80’s, again. Seriously, this whole 80’s thing just needs to fucking stop now. Back before everyone and your little brother was wearing pants so tight their balls are hanging out, Jaques Lu Cont was making music that combined synth, new wave and disco into a mix that just can’t be compared to the shit that’s coming out now. If you’re going to base your band and whole existence on something that happened 20 years ago, at least be good at what your doing. I mean how many of these fuckers even know what a keytar is anyway? I’ll just give up this 80’s shit and wait for the grunge revival, which due to the recent reissue of Mudhoney’s Superfuzz Bigmuff, isn’t fucking far away.

1998

The Bageldogs – Get Fucked! (Romy)

Basically, without these guys, there would be no Modus Operandi, so get on yr knees and thank yr fucking stars for there existence. Through their 3 years of making the most punk fucking sounds ever, they recorded 30 albums. So maybe I mean, “recorded” in the sense that Wesley Willis or Daniel Johnston recorded albums, but still, yr band wouldn’t be able to do that. Each album consisted of anywhere from one to eleven members, delving into the world beyond sound. It will literally blow yr mind after repeated listening to any of their albums, especially their magnum opus, Get Fucked! It’s no coincidence that they had to end as Modus began because there was just not enough space in the world for these two to coexist. Featuring Steven Pork Me and Shlong McClellan, the album is split between the eternal struggle that is electronic ecstasy and sonic chaos. Though severely out of print for sometime, you have not lived until you have heard such musical milestones as “I’m Gonna Bend You Over And Fuck You In The Ass With My Huge Strap On” and “Five Guys Jacking Off.” If you try hard enough, you might be able to find yr self a copy, if you know where to look. Modus accepts no responsibility for any head trauma that may occur. You’ve been warned.

1997

Riverdales – Storm The Streets (Honest Don’s)

Going back eleven years now, brings you to a nice little band of punkers keeping the Lookout sound alive. You may not remember, but this label used to put out fine pop-punk records of guys that didn’t slick their hair in a comb-forward. So yeah, I know that this isn’t on Lookout, but that’s because they could see the tide was changing and they jumped ship before it started to suck. These guys, started out as a Screeching Weasel side project, but The Riverdales sound is more true to form than what they were going for. Essentially, it was a release for Ben Weasel to get his Ramones-ness out. I don’t think Screeching Weasel or The Riverdales are together anymore, as the members seemed to apply their skills to other like-minded bands. But there for a time, these guys were at the forefront of punk-rock technology.