The Walkabout
by Lisa
Ok Steven, here goes nothing. You’ve only been asking me for over a year to write something for the zine…
How to remember just how much of an ass you made of yourself the morning after a drunken blackout…
The first thing you evaluate upon waking is just where the fuck am I and what the fuck happened to my clothes! If you can figure out where you’re at you’re doing good. If not, just close your eyes, roll over and fall back asleep. Maybe next time you wake this fucking headache will ease up!
When you finally come to and can no longer ignore those embarrassing flashbacks that are playing thru your head like a horror show on slides, you might as well get up, find whatever clothes you may be missing, if you can…
If you’re lucky you’re alone. If not, try to not wake whoever the fuck that is next to you, find the nearest exit, and begin your morning walkabout…
This will be very helpful in piecing together the events from the night before. Even if you’d rather not know, it’s best to find out asap so you can avoid those who you’d rather not face yet.
Begin your walk by going to the last place you remember being…
Make sure you step back after knocking just in case you need that extra second to apologize for whatever jackass move you pulled the night before. You can usually tell by the expression on their face when they open the door. Even if you don’t know why, just apologize. Keep apologizing until you get the green light to come in…
Usually it won’t take too long for your good pal to start in with a couple examples of how you made an ass of yourself the night before, laughing the whole time they tell you…
The laugh is a good sign. This gives you the green light to ask for one of their beers. While enjoying your malt breakfast of champions, you can now start asking whatever questions you may have. A good one to ask is if they happen to know where you were going when you left. If possible it’s best to get enough alcohol in you to make your headache ease up before moving on…
When you decide you’re ready to move on to the next location you were told you went, you will most likely remember a few more details that you probably wish you hadn’t. Just remember, always knock, step back, and read their facial expression, and if it looks like you should, just apologize first and find out why later…
You keep continuing from place to place, piecing together last night’s events while continuing to drink at each location you go, as long as you’re welcome to…
Usually my typical Port Orford walkabout path consisted of a four block radius. I would start at Paul and Jane’s or John and Darlene’s if I had no fucking clue what I did the night before. And even if they didn’t know, at least I could kick back and drink a few to get ready for the day ahead of me…
Then around 10 am I would head over to my old trusty source to see how many Vicodin I could get for the day. That was always my favorite part of the day…
You can’t call it a real walkabout without at some point running to the liquor store for someone just for a couple shots off their bottle. If you’re lucky you can stay pretty buzzed all day just by riding a borrowed bike back and forth to the store for people. The good thing about John and Darlene’s house is pretty much every drunk drug addict eventually steps in there…
It’s usually a good source for any info about what you did the night before, if you sit there long enough…
Walkabouts in PO I feel are unique and although they seem to have no purpose, other thanit’s a damn easy way to catch a buzz while hearing all the fucked up shit you did while blacked out, and if you’re real fucking lucky you might find whatever clothing you may be missing from the night before. The one trick to it is to find a balance in the alcohol and drugs you’re already consuming for the day so you don’t black out again before you are fully filled in on last night’s escapade!!!
Once you’ve been fully informed of your awesomeness, however, feel free to exceed your limits and black out again…
At least you’ll have new stories to hear on your next walkabout in good old Port Orford!!!
Posted by Modus Operandi 
