The Joy Of Modus Operandi by Jake Pollin (age 15)

The Joy Of Modus Operandi
By Jake Pollin
(age 15)
I am only going to say this once, and only once. There is no joy in modus operandi. The only joy you will get from this shit is a tickle on your butt cheacks when you whipe your ass with it. Be careful steve makes these papers so thick, its like shitting razor blades.Dont tell steve purkey that its for toilet paper just order a subscription and you will be set for shitty poems and careless life storys for a couple of months. Steve hasn’t relized it yet but has has found his own cure for constipation. Follow these steps to cure your constipation.
1. Grab one of the many shitty issues of modus.
2.Sit on a toilet and start reading.
3.you’ll shit so many bricks you will be able to build three churches,a two story house, and a statue of steves big ass. (thats alot of bricks
I’m sorry if it seems like I’m picking on steve, but steves the king of modus operandi and he deserves it!! If any assholes want to get mad fun of in a half assed magazine, call steves cell at 1-800-Im-a-Douche.(you didnt get this from me)Truth is, I love this crap filled tiolet paper we call Modus and no one loves it more than steve. Modus is like a son to steve, a gay son, but hes a son, atleast until he gets his sex change.My point is, theres plaenty of joy in modus operandi……..if your gay. Steve has made this friendly to all men, and Micheal callahan.There is a really high possibility thats theres more joy in gardening and fishing then there is in Modus.We do it for steve and his gay son. Keep reading Modus operandi to raise money for steves new illness, Douchebaginitis.(Its when your brain has be covered in douche) We have T-shirts and wrist bands just call 1-800-douchinitisawareness.com thanks for your time!

The Joy of Gardening by Jacob Pollin (age 14)

I’m going to be honest with you, there is no joy in gardening and if you have no life, patience, and like to put a hoe in the dirt, then gardening is for you.

The best people for gardening are old people.  So, let’s say you got a garden that needs work, but you’re too lazy to do it yourself.  Go to the Senior Center and pick out a geezer, put the old thing in your garden, and your garden will bloom oldness.

A good example of a old man who’s good at gardening and has no life is Steven Purkey.

1. He looks old

2. He’s getting gray hairs

3. He often forgets what he’s doing

4. He screams at kids just to be an asshole

These are good signs of a good gardener.  Other signs are grunting and moaning, 20 minute piss breaks, always having to take a piss break, and sometimes a raw taste in the band Dio.

It’s o.k. if your geezer dies.  Put it in the garden, bury it, and also most geezers make really good fertilizer.  If the center asks where it is tell them it ran away and put you on its will.  Also, if you donate some of the wills, you get the center to trust you and you’ll have geezers lined up for you to get a cool garden and some old antique stuff.

What I would do is what I call “bag the bag”.  This only works on women.

1. Have her sign a contract saying you get everything she owns if she dies

2. Waste the old bag

3. Sell half on ebay and donate to the center

4. Use some of your profit to go to Alaska

When you get to Alaska do the same thing, but with foster kids and make them plow snow.  Hey, some kids are rich and have rich mommies and daddies.

So, stab yourself in the leg, frame the kids, and get rich!  Move to Africa and have illegal elephant fights.

See you in Africa!